Saturday, July 11, 2015

Fancy Pants 2013 Pinot Grigio Wine Review: Reporting from Luscious Lake Tahoe $8

Hello Enthusiasts!

I’m in lovely Lake Tahoe and it’s AWESOME. I’m in a fancy house in a fancy neighborhood so obviously, I’m drinking fancy wine...but it’s not expensive wine, oh no. I haven’t forgotten where I come from. It’s Fancy PANTS wine, which is all the fancy at a fraction of the price, especially at Safeway where the wine sales are plentiful.
The label says "I Wear the Pants" I love it.


I’m watching my sister’s 6-year-old and her beautiful, giant house while she and my brother-in-law take a well-deserved 10 day vacation in Belize. I have my teenager, baby Bug, and my niece Bri by myself, but the house is fantastic and the kids are all decently behaved, so my favor to sis doubles as a vacation for me, even with three kids.

I needed a fucking vacation from my life, because it’s royally sucked for awhile now.

I’ve been pretty explosively stressed. Insurance fuckery and weird side effects from meds and the mastectomy combined with trying to handle a newborn while pushing 40 is not a scenario I would recommend. I’m trying to write about my cancer experience and I’m having all these FEELINGS and I hate FEELINGS and it’s unpleasant and I don’t like it.

Also, my house is tiny and dark and hot, and Bug hates being hot even more than I do, but because he doesn’t know anything about science because he’s a baby, he thinks he wants me to carry him around the house all day like a boiling human shawl, screaming every time I try to peel his sweaty little body off me. It’s terrible.

But I’m not at home, I’m here. In remission. In delightful weather. Without a boiling baby shawl. In luxurious, lovely Lake fucking Tahoe. EVERYTHING IS OKAY.

The house is so big, I could go to another part of it and not even HEAR kids. What kids? I don’t hear any kids...if anyone was bleeding I’m sure the bigger ones would find me, or call someone or something. Whatever...OMG STEAM SHOWER! You know what goes great with a steam shower? A glass of wine in a fancy-ass glass. (I’m technically not allowed to drink wine out of glasses made of actual glass, but that’s a story for another time.)

I drank this wine out of one of my sister’s very nice glasses, and that made it feel dirty. I feel dirty AND rich. It feels good…
A little nip by the fireplace? I shouldn't...oh alright.

The wine didn’t disappoint. It wasn’t too acidic like a lot of Pinot Grigio, and the sweetness was mild and mellow, very strong on the pear flavor, which I love. It totally fit in with the setting-I think you could serve this to rich people (hide the actual bottle) and tell them it was expensive and they would totally fall for it. I drank it and photographed it in several settings, as you do when you’ve got no worries and nothin’ but time-and right now, just for these 10 days? I actually feel like that for the first time in longer than I can remember.

Cancer changes time-it stops it cold and speeds it up all at once. Today, I felt like I had time to spare, and that’s an amazing feeling right now.
I’m taking half of a star off for a totally petty reason-the color of the label was annoying to me. I have no idea why. My niece disagrees, it’s the same color as her Frozen Princess dress. Four and a half stars, well done Pants of Fance, you have a new fan.
We'd like a little privacy, if you don't mind.